cold hard numbers

So yesterday morning I was flying high & celebrating my first 10 pounds.

Then, the afternoon came.

I had agreed to be a participant in a research study at Magee Womens Hospital.  They are studying how WLS can reduce the risk of endometrial cancer.  I volunteered to donate blood a total of 4 times (once before surgery & 3 times afterward) and fill out about an hour's worth of paperwork.

What I didn't know is that they would also TAKE MY MEASUREMENTS and calculate my % body fat!

I sort of felt like a contestant on The Biggest Loser, minus the black tights, my Enell bra, and a bazillion fans viewers.  We can also subtract the foregone conclusion that I'm already out there walking around skinny!

At the hospital I weighed 207 lbs. (202.5 at home).  The machine calculated my % body fat at either 47.6% or 46.7%.  I can't remember.  But what's the difference?  Either way, that's fucking terrible!!

I knew it was bad, but it was hard seeing it.  I wanted to say, "B-b-but I've already lost some weight."  The lady (my mom's age) patted me on the shoulder and said something that was supposed to comfort me...

Next came the measurements.  My waist:  106.5 cm.  Hips:  123 cm.

When I got home I had to translate those numbers into the inferior Imperial system I'm familiar with.  So that's a 41.9" waist & 48.4" hips.

I looked up what the recommendations were for body fat % and found the table below here.

Description	Women	Men
Essential fat	10-13%	1-3%
Athletes	14–20%	6-13%
Fitness	21–24%	14–17%
Average	25–31%	18–24%
Obese	32%+	25%+

My eyes welled up with tears as I left the office.  After losing more than ten pounds I felt so disgusted, humiliated, and defeated.

Oh well.  As Dr. Phil loves to say, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge."

Aside from the humiliation, I'm very happy I had my measurements taken by professionals.  I had thought about doing it myself, but wasn't sure where to place the tape, etc.  I'll go back for the same measurements when I'm 3 months out of surgery.  The lady said I'll look so different they won't recognize me.

I like to imagine that next time, when I walk out of there, I'll have tears in my eyes again.  Except next time, they'll be happy, thankful tears of joy and gratitude.