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Thursday, October 14, 2010

good news, bad news

Well the good news is my cholesterol is perfect.

The bad news is that I might be disqualified from getting lap band.  :(

My BMI was less than 40 when I started this process so I need two co-morbidities for my insurance to cover the costs of surgery.  I have high BP and high cholesterol.  Or so I thought!  I've always had high cholesterol but I recently had blood drawn.  When I checked my results on-line I saw that my cholesterol was 149.  Ugh!  I cannot ever recall my cholesterol being less than 200!  It's usually around 210.  WTF.  I hope this doesn't disqualify me.

I have a history of gestational diabetes so I'm hoping that will count in my favor.

I feel a little defeated.  If I'd only gained about 10 pounds before starting to lose weight, or made an appointment the second I hit 220, or if I'd only loaded up my pockets with lead.  The what if's are killing me!  Because then, I would have qualified automatically with a BMI of 40.  But it's too late for that now.

So I'm struggling with negative thoughts today.  On one hand, I feel like I'm doing great.  I've even wondered if I can or should do this without the band.  I had decided it was better to go ahead and get it.  Now I'm realizing that even if I don't qualify, I need to find a way to continue this lifestyle change without it.  I'm going to have to find some strength somewhere to get through it instead of throwing myself a pity party complete with cake and ice cream.