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Monday, May 23, 2011

more confessions

I know this is sooo last week, but I'm on a roll here.  And I need some advice on some issues. (You'll see).

1.  Mayor Luke Ravenstahl:  Despite disagreeing (vehemently) with several of his proposals for the city of Pittsburgh (such as the tax on college tuition), and despite thinking he is a total DIRTBAG for cheating on his wife a couple years ago, I will hereby admit that when I saw him emerge from his car last Thursday and walk up the steps to his house-----without a shirt on------I.......I.......well, I slowed my car down.  Waaayyyyyyyyyy down.  Yes, I did.  He looks pretty good with his shirt off.  His face?  Average.  His body?  Not average.  Oh, and did I mention where I was going?  I was taking my son to a children's church program.  Yep.

2.  I put a leash on my child.  I don't use it all the time, only when safety is an issue.  Oooooh, I can already feel the Cold Eyes of Judgment.  Let me make my excuses.  He's 3.  He runs away from me.  With cars whizzing down the street.  Or he darts away in parking lots.  He does not listen when I yell, "Stop!"  A few weeks ago, we were leaving the gym.  I had the one year old on my hip (he can't walk yet) and my gym bag in the other hand.   My 3 year old took off across the parking garage.  I yelled, "Stop!"  He kept running.  I could see a car with his taillights on, backing up.......with my son running towards him.  Nearer to me, another car was coming around the corner, so I could not drop my little guy and run after the other!  He was too far away from me by then anyway.  It all happened so fast!  So I screamed as loud as I could, probably sounding like a crazy woman, "Stop!  Stop!"  My son kept running but the driver heard me and stopped.  He rolled down his window (it was a young guy) and started apologizing profusely as I caught up to my son.  Poor guy thought I was yelling at him!  Well, thank God someone heard me!  I said, "No no!  I'm glad you heard me but I wasn't yelling at you."  So........let's just say that won't happen again.  So now my son has a monkey strapped to his back.  It looks like a backpack but it's not.  The monkey has a long tail that I hold on to.  He hates it but at least he won't get hit by a car.  I don't know what to do.  We've even played "Red Light Green Light" in the backyard to practice this skill.  He can do it while playing the game, but in real life, when it REALLY MATTERS, he ignores me.  Any ideas for me?  Or is the leash all I've got until he matures a little?

3.  Our 3 year old has been sleeping in our room for the last couple of weeks.  I'm sick of it.  He has nightmares and resists going to bed.  "I have bad dreams," he complains.  About what?  The answer is always the same, "Animals come in my room."  Prior to crashing on our floor, he was waking up at 4am for MONTHS.  Terrified and screaming.  He would either crawl in bed with us and go back to sleep OR, if we said no, he would go downstairs and be "up" for the day.....so of course I then had to get up.  Ugh!  Then one night after a bedtime battle that had lasted over 3 hours, he dragged his cheap foam Lightning McQueen fold out chair/bed thingamajig down the hall and laid it on our floor.  I was too tired to resist.  That was a few weeks ago.  Ever since, he has gone to bed on the floor in our room.  If he wakes up at 4 am, he will just take a hug and lay back down.  But he won't do the screaming hysterics that wake everyone up.  Hmmm,....how shall we say this?  This has killed a certain type of "nightly relations."  But we are sleeping!  It sucks.  I want him out.

And let me just say that it used to be SO EASY!  We'd do the whole nightly routine:  dinner, bath, books, sleep and it worked like a charm.  After reading 3 books, he would get up from the rocking chair, walk to bed himself, lay down, and say "goodnight."  And every night he would remind me to SHUT THE DOOR.  Yes, he reminded me!  And he did not have a nightlight either.  I mean, I should have known it wouldn't last forever!  But that's how easy it was for a full year, at least.  Until his imagination kicked into high gear after Christmas.  And now, a nightlight isn't enough.  The door open is not enough.  Searching the room before bedtime for "animals" is not enough. I found a cool nightlight on Amazon called The Good Nite Lite.  Considering how simple it is, my husband does not think it's worth $35.  Cheapskate!! Then again, he may be right, as I feel the problem is these bad dreams, and not the fact that he doesn't understand night vs day.  Should I do a reward system?  I need help.  Super Nanny Jo Frost's methods have not worked.  Feel free to dispense advice.

4.  My husband has dermatographia.  This isn't really a confession, but I felt like telling you.  Have you heard of it?  It causes the skin to raise up from being lightly scratched by anything.  Serious welts people!!  Scratch isn't even the right word.  Even tracing your finger lightly over his skin will cause a reaction.  Simply touching him.  Or even touching himself (did your mind go in the gutter with that one?).  But it's true!  This started about 5 months ago and he's been popping Claritin and Benadryl to keep it under control.  If he forgets to pop pills, see what happens in the photo below, and remember that only slight touch causes it---not a roughing scratching like you'd think.  So....just imagine what happens when we have sex "mommy & daddy time."  Yes, use your dirty imagination.  It looks like a wild animal tried to eat him for dinner.  Then again, you know this rarely happens (see confession #3).

If you want to see some freaky shit interesting photos, google image search "dermatographia art."  There is an artist named Ariana Page who uses her body as a canvas.


  1. The same thing happens to my husband, but not with the light grazing like your saying. anytime he has anything pressed against his skin, or carries something heavy he welts up. Always has.

    As for the problems with the kiddo, I have no advice. I know it is very frustrating though. Good luck figuring it out!

  2. When my boys were small, a sticker poster worked like magic! We made a big deal about getting a poster and putting the calendar on it, then we got stickers, they got to pick them out. If they completed their task, they got to put the sticker in the spot. It really worked well, good luck! Oh, I used a leash too, my youngest was a runner and it was scary!

  3. Have never heard of your husbands condition, interesting, does it hurt?
    Love Mommy & Daddy time, it's called marital unpleasantness in these parts!

    I would use reigns on my 3 year old, I'd use a mussel too if I thought I could get away with it!

  4. UGH! My boys use leashes when I can find both of them and the 'tails'. No judgment is coming from this way! My Patrick is the exact same way with the running away, I want to kick his little butt sometimes for doing that! One day he ran away while we were in a parking lot and I couldn't catch up with him for about a BLOCK! (Yep, pre-band.) So I understand your frustrations completely. :(

    As for the sleeping, I have no idea what to suggest for that, my boys turn 4 in July and they're just now starting to sit up at night for a couple hours after I put them to bed and "play." It drives me nutso, but other than going in there and threatening to take away their toys for the rest of their lives, I don't know what to do.

  5. It sounds like your son needs a leash right now to keep him safe. Don't apologize for doing what you have to do!

    A good friend of mine dealt with similar night terror issues with the son coming into their room every night. They had to really take a look at what he was watching and reading because his active imagination made things that seemed age-appropriate not okay. They told him he could bring his sleeping bag and put it outside their bedroom door if he needed to, but coming into the room was off-limits. You also might try finding a protector to stand sentry in his bedroom. Like a police officer teddy bear or fire fighter bear. Or a lion tamer. Tell your son that you are going to buy a toy that will protect him while he sleeps from the animals. Assure him that this bear will keep him safe should any stray animals wander in while he sleeps. I have heard that it doesn't do any good to tell them that animals won't get in bnecause in his mind the fears are real.

    You are a good mom! Good luck!

  6. I did what Amanda did with my daughter who has nightmares/terrors. She has her "Big White Pooh" (in in Winnie the Pooh - not poop. LOL) that protects her when she's scared. That's helped. As a night terror sufferer myself (started when I was VERY young and I still have them), I can assure you that he'll figure out how to comfort himself eventually.

    I hear ya on the leash thing. What helped with my youngest is to have her hold on to the back fo my shirt and we play choo choo train to the car. I can feel if she lets go and I say "The train's leaving without you!" and she'll catch up and hold on. It's a little embarrassing walking through a parking lot saying "chugga chugga" but it works. ;)