thanks for all your comments yesterday.
i'm still just feeling a mixture of rage and despair.
where is all that fight i had in me? a few weeks ago i would've said, "bring it on!" it's gone. i feel so defeated. i can't stay on topamax forever. my fingers and toes are constantly tingling. my brain is fuzzy. the appetite has been tamed but that's the price. i'm tired of it.
my husband won't even discuss the option of self-pay. he just graduated with his master's degree (nurse anesthesia) and refuses to consider taking out a loan or saving up to pay for it ourselves. he says "he" won't pay for it. ummm hello i worked too...up until the birth of our second child recently.
i resent it.
i fear this could be the unraveling of what used to be a fairly good (great even!) marriage. i just feel like i don't matter to him. i don't think $15,000 is all that much money in the scheme of things. it's about the cost of a car. a cheap one at that. our marriage will go down the crapper for the cost of a car payment. that's fucking awesome.