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Sunday, December 12, 2010

love, prison, & orgasms

How's that for a catchy title?

A few years ago I started taking Topamax for chronic pain issues.  It didn't help my pain but I noticed something miraculous---my appetite went from OMNIPRESENT to vanquished.  It was so liberating.  It felt like freedom.  I felt normal for the first time in my whole life.  Except for the pain.  It was still there but with regards to my hunger, wow!  Without much effort I lost seven pounds in one month.  Then I found out I was pregnant.  So I had to stop taking it.  That was 2008.  Fast forward to 2010. 

So when I went to see my PCP in November I asked her if I could start taking it again.  I already bitched about that visit, my tears, my frustration.  In my venting post I forgot to tell my audience of one the whole purpose of going to the doctor!  Whoops!  Well, that was the point of going to see her in the first place.  I wanted drugs.  She obliged me.

So, the first week I was at 25 mg at night and noticed no difference in my appetite. Once I bumped it up to 50 mg, my appetite decreased dramatically after just a few days. As far as I know, this isn't an option to keep my weight under control forever. But! I've lost six pounds in 3 weeks.

It didn't hurt that I came down with a vomiting stomach virus and a vicious cold in the last three weeks either.  I don't typically lose that fast.

I'm in love though---Topamax Love.  I still have hunger at meal times.  When I sit down to eat I'm hungry like anyone else.  But I get full faster.  I stay full longer.  I don't think about food between meals.  It's my idea of heaven, really.  Is it cheating?  Maybe.  No more than LB I suppose (and for the record, I don't see that as cheating either).  I still have to make good decisions when I eat.  But it's helped the number one reason fall off the wagon every time---it tames The Hunger Demon.  That feeling in my stomach that is screaming, "Hungry!  Feed me, feed me, feed me!"   No amount of broccoli, popcorn, and lean protein can seem to make The Demon happy.

But Topamax has killed that stupid bitch.

Is this what LB feels like?  I hope so.  Because Topamax isn't a long-term solution.  My doctor feels like three months at a time is okay---basically long enough to get me to surgery.  It causes electrolyte imbalances which means my fingertips are shriveled up.  It causes numbness and tingling.  It makes my brain a bit foggy.  And the worst part?  I can't have an orgasm to save my life.

So do you know what that means?!

It means---I'm really never posting pictures of my beautiful face!  First I confessed to peeing in a styrofoam cup and now this.

Hmm, so maybe I'm not in Topamax Love after all.  Honestly though, it's not even about the weight loss.  It's just so lovely to feel free of hunger.  I feel like I just got let out of prison or something.

Btw, thanks Band Groupie for becoming my first follower.  I see we are both in the same city, pretty cool.  If I see you in public and recognize you, I promise to fess up and tell you who I am.  :)  

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