recipe time

Look what I made last night. I told my son they were "egg cupcakes," so he'd give them a try. It didn't work.  (Dangit, he's gettin' smart!).  My one year old devoured his though.  I used this recipe from allrecipes.com but used 3 veggie sausage patties from Trader Joes (microwaved, lol) and a red onion because it was all I had. Plus I cut the recipe in half and baked it in a muffin pan so I could have some handy meals to pop in the microwave for the rest of the week.  Oh and I used less butter too.  So mine probably had less calories than the original version, especially when half the recipe made 12 "muffins."  I can only eat one as a meal and that's only half a serving...maybe next time I'll use carmelized onions and bacon.

Did I really need surgery?

It was great seeing some friends during my little vacation last week.  One of them asked, "But don't you think you could have done it without surgery?  You were doing so good on your own."

Hmmm.

She isn't the first person to ask me this.  I kind of don't know what to say.  Obviously I did not think I could do it myself.

I don't know what to think of this question.  Sometimes people make statements that are disguised by questions......so I wonder...is that what this is?  Was that a statement?

I really don't know.  I love my friends and I don't think anyone would purposely hurt my feelings, but this question kind of does.

The answer is NO.  I could not have done it on my own.  Sure, I lost 30-35 pounds before surgery but I hit a plateau of 175-180 lbs.  That is where I ALWAYS got stuck.  And by "always" I mean for the last 8 years.  In the last 8 years I have gone up and down and could never get to less than 180.  It takes MAJOR focus and determination to get down to the 180-185 mark for me.

And by "major focus," I mean to say that I had to learn to live with hunger.  I had to find ways to distract myself from eating even healthy foods.  My appetite was out of control.  It didn't matter what I ate.  Protein, fiber, healthy fats, etc.  I was HUNGRY all the time.  To get down to my "low" weight of 180's, I had to work out like crazy and constantly stuff myself with foods such as grilled chicken, black beans, greek yogurt, and raw fruits & veggies.  Honestly, I got SO SICK TO DEATH of chewing up these foods but I had to if I wanted that gnawing feeling in my gut to go away.  We all know how long it takes to chew up raw broccoli and carrots.  Eventually, I'd get tired of all the jaw motion and just slather peanut butter on toast and gobble it up.

Once I got to about 190-195 lbs "on my own," I started taking Topamax which totally killed my ferocious appetite.  It made it so much easier to lose weight.  So that's actually how I got to 175.  Oh and that little drug called Alli---about six weeks of free samples from my doctor.  That helped me too.  But then I started having some side effects that I couldn't tolerate so I had to stop taking the Topamax.  Slowly, despite my best efforts, my weight crept back up.  From 175 in February to 180 on the day of surgery in July.

Dieticians love to tell people that losing weight is SIMPLE.  As long as you eat less calories than what your body needs, you'll lose weight.  Well, obviously it's NOT THAT SIMPLE.  Their little equation totally disregards hunger.  That annoys me.  Can you tell?

Now that I've had surgery, it is that simple for me.  And THAT is heaven.

I love charts. Here is my weight chart that I keep on my phone.  It's an app called Weight Tracker.  I had to take two separate screen shots to show you this.  The first pic is a photo BEFORE surgery.  See how I lost weight but then it crept upwards after I stopped taking Topamax?






And now look at this second photo.  AFTER surgery.  I could not have broken the 175-180 mark without it because my appetite was a MAJOR factor in my weight problem.




It is heavenly to feel satisfied after eating.  Yes, I needed something drastic, like surgery.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

150's!!

Just got back home after spending a week in Texas. I'm very behind on blog reading, please forgive me, I'll catch up this week. My mismatched socks are a result of fumbling in the dark last night looking for anything to keep my feet warm after a long day of flying with a 3 year old and a 1 year old. But look at the scale!! 150's!!! My BMI is at 28 (overweight still) but I feel really good and know that I'll get to "normal" soon enough.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Lunch

Mmm, sushi. Ate lunch with my husband at Penn Ave Fish Market in the Strip District. I was only able to eat one piece of tuna, one piece of salmon, and two pieces of the roll. Sooo good. And cute, don't you think?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Just testing this

I'm trying to post this directly from my phone. Last time I tried it (several months ago), it didn't work.





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

ten things thursday

Ack!  Sorry that last thing published.  My list was getting depressing so I chopped off all the HIGH DRAMA BULLSHIT and put it in a new post (so I wouldn't lose it) and accidentally hit publish.  Sorry.  No one wants to read my family drama.  Trust me.  So here are my ten things.

1.  No worries my friends.  I know not to lie to the life insurance people.  Just to be clear---I already have life insurance--- we opened the policy 7 years ago when we bought our first house.  So I'll just keep my old policy.

2.  My husband and I had a FABULOUS freakin' time in Buffalo, NY last weekend for the Buffalo Bills game.  It was a perfect day.  Gorgeous weather.  An exciting game.  They even won, wow, imagine that.  The Bills are 2-0 this season which is proof that miracles do happen.  If they can win a game, I can lose weight.    

3.  I'm more than halfway through knitting a scarf for my husband.  I bought this yarn well over a year ago and I'm FINALLY getting around to making it.  Yay me.

4.  When people ask my husband if he's half black, he says, "From the waist down, yes."  For the record, his mom is white and his dad is from the Middle East.  And as he says, "I'm not half anything."

5.  Someone broke into my car a couple weeks ago and took two iPods, all my cash, and my quarters for parking meters!  Assholes.  My old iPhone worked like an iPod touch after I upgraded to a new phone.  It's kind of tragic for this WLS blog because I had some unflattering pictures of myself on them BEFORE I lost any weight.  I was in my undies and sports bra.

6.  I hope the thief chokes on their food when they view those pictures.

7.  Just kidding.  I had put the pictures into an app called Spy Calc.  The app looks just like a calculator.  When you click on it, a calculator opens.  You can't see any private photos or videos unless you type in the secret code.  This is free!

7.  I'm sure you're all super disappointed you won't be seeing me in my 215 pound glory wearing not-mucha-nothin'.

8.  My 3 year old son totally humiliated me this morning at the gym.  There's a little shop of UnderArmour clothes with mannequins.  He pulled the mannequin's pants down before I could stop him.  When I got over to him, he explained, "I just wanted to see his butt Mom."  Why me?

9.  I woke up at 6:00 am and decided to get up early, read blogs, and sip coffee.  It didn't last long.  Both of my boys woke up by 6:20.  Sigh.  That's okay.  One day they will be grown and I'll be wishing for my sweet chubby cheekies to snuggle.

10.  If you tell me your name I'll add you to my Facebook so you can see more pictures (like our Buffalo Bills pics).  I wish I could add photos to this blog straight from my phone (like on FB!) but I'm too lazy to connect my phone, upload the pics, then publish it here.  Is there an app for that?  Can you publish pics from Blog Press on your phone???  Anybody know?

i'm a BFL

BFL.  Big Fat Liar.

So this morning my husband and I met with our financial planner.

We had lots to discuss.  One thing was seeing if he could get me a cheaper rate on life insurance than what I'm currently paying.  So he had to ask me a few questions.

Gained or lost more than 10 pounds in the past year?  

Yes.  

How much?

48 pounds.  (Wow!  I hadn't realized how close to 50 I was!!)  

He went through several more pages of medical questions.  Blah blah SNORE.  Then, he asked, "Have you had any surgeries in the last year?"

No.

My husband raised his eyebrow.

I glared back.

He didn't out me.  (What a smart SMART man).

...........................................so?  Why'd I lie?....................

I have no idea.  I regretted it instantly.  But then, what was I supposed to do?  

Say, "Oh yeah, I just remembered I had weight loss surgery two months ago?"

Ugh!

I don't know why I did that!!!

I guess in that instant, I didn't want to be judged.  I didn't want him to think it was ALL surgery because DAMMIT, I lost over 30 pounds before surgery!!!  But the reality is that I could not be at the weight I'm at today without it.  I know that.  I'm ashamed of myself for lying.  That's not me.  

And now, when he calls to give me a rate, I'll just have to say, "No thanks" to whatever policy he comes up with because I'm a BIG FAT LIAR.

Intead of maybe saving myself some money on life insurance, I lied.  Ugh!!!  Can I have a time machine?  I need a do-over.