Lunch

Mmm, sushi. Ate lunch with my husband at Penn Ave Fish Market in the Strip District. I was only able to eat one piece of tuna, one piece of salmon, and two pieces of the roll. Sooo good. And cute, don't you think?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Just testing this

I'm trying to post this directly from my phone. Last time I tried it (several months ago), it didn't work.





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

ten things thursday

Ack!  Sorry that last thing published.  My list was getting depressing so I chopped off all the HIGH DRAMA BULLSHIT and put it in a new post (so I wouldn't lose it) and accidentally hit publish.  Sorry.  No one wants to read my family drama.  Trust me.  So here are my ten things.

1.  No worries my friends.  I know not to lie to the life insurance people.  Just to be clear---I already have life insurance--- we opened the policy 7 years ago when we bought our first house.  So I'll just keep my old policy.

2.  My husband and I had a FABULOUS freakin' time in Buffalo, NY last weekend for the Buffalo Bills game.  It was a perfect day.  Gorgeous weather.  An exciting game.  They even won, wow, imagine that.  The Bills are 2-0 this season which is proof that miracles do happen.  If they can win a game, I can lose weight.    

3.  I'm more than halfway through knitting a scarf for my husband.  I bought this yarn well over a year ago and I'm FINALLY getting around to making it.  Yay me.

4.  When people ask my husband if he's half black, he says, "From the waist down, yes."  For the record, his mom is white and his dad is from the Middle East.  And as he says, "I'm not half anything."

5.  Someone broke into my car a couple weeks ago and took two iPods, all my cash, and my quarters for parking meters!  Assholes.  My old iPhone worked like an iPod touch after I upgraded to a new phone.  It's kind of tragic for this WLS blog because I had some unflattering pictures of myself on them BEFORE I lost any weight.  I was in my undies and sports bra.

6.  I hope the thief chokes on their food when they view those pictures.

7.  Just kidding.  I had put the pictures into an app called Spy Calc.  The app looks just like a calculator.  When you click on it, a calculator opens.  You can't see any private photos or videos unless you type in the secret code.  This is free!

7.  I'm sure you're all super disappointed you won't be seeing me in my 215 pound glory wearing not-mucha-nothin'.

8.  My 3 year old son totally humiliated me this morning at the gym.  There's a little shop of UnderArmour clothes with mannequins.  He pulled the mannequin's pants down before I could stop him.  When I got over to him, he explained, "I just wanted to see his butt Mom."  Why me?

9.  I woke up at 6:00 am and decided to get up early, read blogs, and sip coffee.  It didn't last long.  Both of my boys woke up by 6:20.  Sigh.  That's okay.  One day they will be grown and I'll be wishing for my sweet chubby cheekies to snuggle.

10.  If you tell me your name I'll add you to my Facebook so you can see more pictures (like our Buffalo Bills pics).  I wish I could add photos to this blog straight from my phone (like on FB!) but I'm too lazy to connect my phone, upload the pics, then publish it here.  Is there an app for that?  Can you publish pics from Blog Press on your phone???  Anybody know?

i'm a BFL

BFL.  Big Fat Liar.

So this morning my husband and I met with our financial planner.

We had lots to discuss.  One thing was seeing if he could get me a cheaper rate on life insurance than what I'm currently paying.  So he had to ask me a few questions.

Gained or lost more than 10 pounds in the past year?  

Yes.  

How much?

48 pounds.  (Wow!  I hadn't realized how close to 50 I was!!)  

He went through several more pages of medical questions.  Blah blah SNORE.  Then, he asked, "Have you had any surgeries in the last year?"

No.

My husband raised his eyebrow.

I glared back.

He didn't out me.  (What a smart SMART man).

...........................................so?  Why'd I lie?....................

I have no idea.  I regretted it instantly.  But then, what was I supposed to do?  

Say, "Oh yeah, I just remembered I had weight loss surgery two months ago?"

Ugh!

I don't know why I did that!!!

I guess in that instant, I didn't want to be judged.  I didn't want him to think it was ALL surgery because DAMMIT, I lost over 30 pounds before surgery!!!  But the reality is that I could not be at the weight I'm at today without it.  I know that.  I'm ashamed of myself for lying.  That's not me.  

And now, when he calls to give me a rate, I'll just have to say, "No thanks" to whatever policy he comes up with because I'm a BIG FAT LIAR.

Intead of maybe saving myself some money on life insurance, I lied.  Ugh!!!  Can I have a time machine?  I need a do-over.

Okay, okay Ronnie!  I'll get off my lazy blogging ass and write a freakin' update.  (Thanks for making me feel loved Ronnie).   Warning:  There is a total overshare in the last paragraph so you might oughtta skip it....don't say I didn't warn you.

So, how am I?  And what is it like having VSG?

It's been 8 weeks since surgery.  I've lost 17 pounds.  That puts me at 163.  I still want to lose 20 more pounds.

Some of you have urged me to count what I lost on my "pre-op diet."  Uhhh, well, that was supposed to entail 2 weeks of protein shakes for breakfast & lunch and one lean protein & veggie for dinner.  So let me confess right now that I only lost 3 pounds on my pre-op diet because I just didn't follow through with it.  I tried, but keeping up with two little kids (and breastfeeding!) on that little was a NO GO.

Here's what I ate yesterday:

Breakfast:  1 scrambled egg, 5 grapes
Lunch: 2oz tuna fish, mixed with 1T of light mayo.  one slice of whole wheat bread.
Snack:  half a protein bar (Clif's builder bar)
Dinner:  2/3 of a grilled chicken breast & sauteed broccoli (1/2C)
Snack: chobani greek yogurt.  Have you tried the lemon flavor?  Mmm.

Total:  919 calories

I'm kind of concerned about not getting in as many veggies as the food pyramid calls for but......oh well, I guess that's what vitamins are for.

Today so far:
Breakfast:  coffee with 1T half n half, 1 scrambled egg sprinkled with cheese
Lunch: hubby took me to a breakfast place and I had grit cakes with chorizo gravy.  It was so good.  I ate about 1/4 of my plate.

Before surgery, these amounts of foods would have NEVER satisfied me.  But now I feel fine.  I eat a meal and don't get hungry until the next meal.  That's pretty amazing for me.

I wish I was losing weight faster, but I'm not, so I'm trying to accept that.

Despite the slight disappointment regarding the slowness of losing this weight, I'm SUPER happy with how I feel after surgery.  I'm not starving.  I'm not thinking about food 24/7.  I no longer feel like I'm "white-knuckling it."

From reading other VSG blogs, I've noticed that some people can't enjoy spicy foods, ice cream, or junk food after surgery.  Let me tell you though---for better or worse, I CAN.  I can eat ANYTHING without suffering ill effects.  I can eat ice cream.  I can eat chips, candy, whatever.  I have to avoid these foods because they DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL FULL.  At all.  If I wanted to eat that junk, I totally could.  All day long.  Protein fills me up quickly and will "stick," so I have to do my part and eat that first.  Once I do that, I can't get much else in.

So it's up to me.

My gym routine:  I've been doing spin classes, the elliptical machine, and strength training classes.  I go at least 4 days a week for an hour.  Monday I did a kickboxing class and had fun.  :)

And!  That morning it was so hard to make it to that kickboxing class.  The Fat Gods were totally conspiring against me.  They got my youngest son to smear oatmeal in his hair during breakfast.  Then, of course, the Fat Gods hid my 3 year old's shoes!  So we had to do conduct a full-scale archeological dig to find them.  Despite these hurdles, we got to the gym with a  few minutes to spare, but then I went to the bathroom and discovered my TOM had come a few days earlier than expected.  The tampon machine was empty.  For about 5 seconds, I considered leaving the gym all together, but, well ladies, I did what I had to do.  I wadded up some toilet paper, stuffed it in my pants, and said a prayer.  (Oh please God, don't let this fall out my pant leg like that time on the bus in 9th grade).

little bitty update

So, I'm down a total of 13 pounds since surgery.  It's been over 6 weeks.  Are you amazed?  I know, me neither.  It's kind of frustrating as I'd like to see a more dramatic drop.  I'm working out 4-5 times a week for an hour.  Right now I alternate spin classes with doing my own cardio workouts.  Next week I'm going to add strength training classes to the mix.

Spin classes are intense.  After each class I literally mop sweat off the floor with my towel.  It's not like I'm going to the gym to take naps in the locker room.  Although, now that I've thought of it, it's not a bad idea...

When I do the elliptical, I do the harder one that looks like a gazelle machine.  And I push myself.  I crank it up to level ten and require myself to run at least 5 miles in an hour.  For some people, that's easy.  For me, it's a challenge.  

So what gives?

I ordered a monitor to measure my body fat %.  Normal is 21-32%.  Mine is 33.6%.  Which is great considering in September of last year it was 46.7%.

My goal is 25% or less.

I wonder if being so close to "non-overweight" body fat % is what is making this so difficult.

? 

And I'm still breastfeeding.  I can't help but think that is playing a role in how stubbornly this fat is hanging on!!

I'm just scared to wean because it's the only thing that helps my chronic bladder pain....and my husband doesn't want more children.  I have this horrible fear that I'll wean and the pain will come back full force (because it will).  And then, the only way I know how to make it go away is to get pregnant and nurse another baby.  I've had this disease (IC--interstitial cystitis) for 16 years and the only time I've felt "normal" is for the last 3.5 years.  There's something magical about pregnancy and lactation.  I tried EVERYTHING to control my pain.  Narcotics.  Electrical stimulation.     

So, I'm scared to ruin a goood thing just to lose 20 pounds.  And who knows if quitting BFing would even help the weight loss??

As frustrated as I am, I'm feeling pretty good about my body.  I feel SO MUCH better about myself compared to last summer.  But I would LOVE to lose at least 12 more pounds.  Is that so much to ask?

In other news, my parents have split up.  Oh, this isn't the first time....they've split so many times I can't even count.  They are living apart yet again.  We have a trip planned for October to go down to TX to see everyone.  And now---OH WE JUST CAN'T WAIT.  I thought I was visiting my hometown but now I'll be in Drama City walking on tight ropes and eggshells.  

Fun, fun!

Despite less-than-amazing-weight-loss stats and family drama, I have a pretty damn good life and here's a list of all the awesome things coming up this month.

1).  I have tickets to see Jackson Browne.  I know, I know.  You're jealous, aren't you?  

2).  My husband and I are going to an NFL game in a couple weeks.  Before you get too jealous of this one, let me just say it's the Buffalo Bills.  My husband grew up in San Diego, CA and for some reason has always been a huge Bills fan.  In case you don't know, they have been on a terrible losing streak for the last few years (okay, a DECADE, possibly longer).  But we are GOING by golly.  My former neighbor is from Buffalo and she hooked us up with the name & number of a babysitter (that was the tricky part!).

3).  Next week my 3 year old starts preschool.  If I shed any tears on that day, it will NOT be because my sweet little boy is growing up.  They will be tears of joy.  And perhaps a few tears that it's only 2 half days a week instead of ALL FIVE.

4).  This might not pan out, but my friend's husband shot her up with some expired Botox from the clinic he works at.  She asked him if he could shoot me up next time another bottle expires and he said he would.  But you know how men are....they forget.  And I'm not one to pester him so......we'll see. 

5).  We are having a big backyard BBQ this weekend with all of our neighbors.  It'll be fun.

my fat free mass

So.  Let's talk about something.

FFM.  That's fat free mass.  When I agreed to be a research participant before having surgery, they measured me with all kinds of fancy gadgets.  Here were my stats, taken September 2010.

Height: 5 ft 2 (actually no one can seem to agree if I'm 5 ft 2 or 3).  

Weight: 207 lbs 

FFM: 110 lbs

Fat mass: 97 lbs (***k!)

The lady explained that FFM (fat free mass) is what your bones, organs, and muscles weigh.  

Then at the bottom of my printout it says:

Desirable Range: 21-33% body fat

Desirable Fat Mass: 29-54 pounds

So I asked the lady that day, "Does that mean I should weigh 139-164 lbs?"  (That's my FFM of 110 lbs plus my recommended "desirable" fat mass).

She looked at my paper and said, "Yep, you're very solid.  That's good.  You're less likely to get osteoporosis as you age."  She said some people have heavier and more dense bones, especially kids who were chunky (who you talkin' bout?).  She explained that my body frame is still "medium," it's just that I have a dense skeleton......which makes me think of Cartman on Southpark---"I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!"

So it turns out Cartman is right, but it's more like dense bones, not big bones.  At least for me.  I'm sure there are some people out there that are big-boned AND dense-boned.

Here's the kicker----according to the BMI chart, I'm "overweight" as soon as I pass 136 pounds (at 5 ft 2).  ANDDDDD,  I'm "obese" at 163 lbs.  But according to the fancy measures these research docs took, I'm actually not even overweight at ALL until I weigh 165.  At 5 ft 2!

When I was a kid, my mom told me women should weigh 100 pounds if they are 5 ft tall.  Then, for every inch over 5 feet, they can weigh five more pounds.  I'm not sure where she heard this little formula, but it's obviously not for every body.  According to her (or that) I should weigh 110.  And noooow I see that I can't EVER weigh that little.  It's not possible.

The funniest part is that when I got down to what I now consider my "skinny weight" (142 pounds thanks to Weight Watchers), I considered myself a failure (for years) because I thought losing more weight was necessary (at least 6 pounds so I could have a "normal" BMI).  In fact, I had joined WW on-line (I started at 171 lbs) and was working super hard to get down to 136 pounds so I could nominate myself to be one of their featured "success stories."  For some reason, I couldn't see (or didn't care) that you could see veins rippling from my ankles to my knees, from my hands to my biceps, etc.  But, if only I'd known then what I know now......

I was already a "success story," but I got too caught up in the stupid in numbers, particularyly the ****-ing BMI chart, to see it.

HOWEVER, if these doctors are right, I was only 3 pounds over the minimum weight recommended for me (and my boobs alone weigh more than that).  And I did maintain 142 lbs for over two years.....the problem is I had to work out 1-2 hours a day, 5 days a week, and then on weekends I typically went skiing or hiking for 4-8 hours just because I enjoyed it.  Not only that, but I had to feel like I was starving 24/7 AND it was also necessary to avoid outings (of a non-fitness nature) with friends.  It required avoiding parties to prevent myself from overindulging.  It required refusing dinner invitations.  If I hadn't been so strict I could have never achieved that weight or maintained it for as long as I did......

Another thing, recently, that helped me see that 142 was a perfectly acceptable weight for 5 ft 2 (or 3, whatever I am!) is that Stephanie from Electric LadyBand, posted about her friend Bitchcakes, a Weight Watchers success story.  Like me, she is 5 ft 2.  She achieved her goal weight of 138 pounds.  And she looks fabulous.  I'm glad she was wise enough to ignore those blasted BMI charts.

I'm really thankful she's brave enough to post her height and weight so morons like me can see that it's not necessary to weigh 115 lbs to have a fit & fabulous body.

So I get it now.

142 lbs at 5 ft 2 was good.

Can I have it back now?  Please God?

I will appreciate it this time.  I promise.