Part 2: Surgery Day

My surgery was originally scheduled for 9:30am but then it was changed to 1:30pm.  Ugh!  A longer time to feel famished and thirsty.  But at least I didn't have to check in until later in the morning.

So we arrived at the hospital promptly at 11:00am as instructed.

An hour later (this would be a sign of things to come), they finally came to take me back to pre-op where I changed into my gown and got hooked up to IV fluids.  By then I was dehydrated (and felt hungover) so I was thankful for the fluids.  That made my pounding headache go away so I could sit and read a mindless novel by Vince Flynn.

After reading some 250 pages, they finally wheeled me back to the OR.  Yep!  By then it was 6:30pm.

ONLY FIVE HOURS LATE.

I'm not sure how long the surgery took but the first time I glanced at the clock it was 8:00pm.

Oh Lawd!  I was hurtin'.  That gas pain was terrible!  Personally, I think they could have done a better job squishing all that gas out before closing up my incisions.  But what do I know?  I'm not a surgeon.  My belly felt like a brick wall and I looked pregnant.

I stayed in the PACU (post-anesthesia care unit) for about 2 hours before they took me up to my room where my mom & BFF were waiting for me.

All I remember about being in the PACU is that I got in trouble for scratching my face.  My nurse, a man, got right in my face and said, "YOU ARE GOING TO HURT YOURSELF.  Scratch with your blanket, not your fingernails."  Umm okay.  Sorry dude.  I was kinda out of it.

While my nurse was wheeling me from the PACU to my room he said, "I saw you in pre-op and I wouldv'e never guessed you were a patient.  You're so pretty and skinny.  You were walking around and reading a book instead of laying on your bed, so I assumed you were the patient's family member."  Hmm, I guess the hospital gown I was wearing didn't give it away....   (but that was a sweet thing to say).

Speaking of "skinny," they weighed me in pre-op and I was 180lbs exactly.  That's not skinny when you're 5 ft 2...

So, he got me to my room and thankfully, it was late, so my mom and BFF didn't stay long.  I just wanted to be by myself because I was in pain and didn't feel like putting on a brave face for everyone else.

During the night, I only slept in one hour increments.  The pain would wake me up and then I'd decide to pee.  Every trip to the bathroom was a big production.  Before sitting up, I had to pull those massaging things off my calves.  Then, I got up, unplugged my IV pole, pulled my PCA line off and wrapped it around the IV pole, and drug the damn thing to the bathroom.  And, why, might I ask, am I ALWAYS the person that gets the shitty grocery cart that has a messed up wheel?  This dubious honor apparently applies to IV poles as well because every surgery I have ever had, I've gotten the IV pole that doesn't want to roll.  I nearly pulled it on top of me more than once.  My IV pole had six wheels and I'm positive at least two did not work AT ALL.

Anywho.

Around 4:00am my nurse came into the room and caught me in the bathroom.  She was like, "What are you doing??!"

Me, "Going pee.....?"  (Was it a trick question?).

I got scolded for getting up alone and for not measuring my pee pee.  Sorry!

And well, since I was already out of bed, she decided it was time to start walking.  Yep, at 4 in the freaking morning.

So we did a few laps around the unit.  She had me step on a scale.  187!  What the EFF??????

Seven pounds of fluid?  Are you kidding me?  That woke me right up.

Part 1: The Bowel Cleanse

After flying from Pittsburgh to San Antonio on Sunday, July 17, my BFF and I went shopping for a few hours.  It was the day before my surgery so I was on clear liquids only.  For lunch, I drank the broth out of Subway's chicken noodle soup (while staring longingly at her decadent slice of pizza).  Then we walked around the mall for a few hours, just trying to kill some time until our hotel room was available at 3pm.  July is the best month for clothing sales so we both found some great deals for our kids.

Before checking into our room, we hit Target and stocked up on my necessities.  Actually, "stocking up" implies that I bought a lot of stuff...alas, I did not.  I took all of your advice, Dear Readers, and bought very little.  One broth soup.  Three bottles of water.  Popsicles.  One protein drink.  That's it.

After checking in and unpacking, I got started on the dreaded bowel cleanse.  Don't worry.  I won't say much about it.  Our toilet was one of those "Eco" toilets.  It had two buttons for flushing.  One was labeled "Liquids," while the other button said "Solids."

About six hours after guzzling the magnesium citrate, I came out of the bathroom and announced that I was no longer sure which button to press.

The End.

i'm back

I'm hoooome!  Just flew in this morning.

Tired & sore, but otherwise feeling good.  My stomach hurts here and there but the waves of nausea are becoming more infrequent.

Thanks for all of your well wishes a few days ago.  I'll give more details later...but here's my brief thoughts so far.

I'm so amazed at how full I feel ALL the time.  Here's a rundown of what I've eaten after passing my "leak test" on Tuesday morning.

Tuesday:  20 oz of water.  It took me ALL DAY to sip a 20 oz bottle.
Wednesday:  8 oz of a protein drink plus 12 oz of water.  1 oz of French Onion Soup from Panera (just broth).
Thursday (today):  16 oz bottle of water, 8 oz protein drink x 2.

I still can't imagine being able to get in my surgeon's goal:  64 oz of water plus 2 protein drinks.  For the next three weeks, I'm supposed to stick to a liquid diet.  Prior to surgery, I couldn't imagine feeling full from liquids, but now I can't imagine eating anything solid ever again.  :)

My husband fixed grilled corn and fish for dinner with a side of sauteed onions & cabbage.  All of the produce is from our farm share.  That was the first thing all week I regretted not being able to taste.  It smelled delicious but there's no way my tummy could handle it, so I wasn't tempted.

I'll get to eat good food again eventually.  :)

surgery is Monday

Whewwwwww, finally.

I mean, FINALLY.

Yes, I'm flying out in first thing in the morning.  I should be in bed but I'm too excited to sleep.

In less than four hours, I'll be showering and then it's OFF to the airport!!  Tomorrow I'm on clear liquids only.  The airport should have plenty of that, right?

After I get off the plane, my BFF is picking me up and we're heading off the grocery store to buy my magnesium citrate and a few other things.  Then we'll get busy bonding over a bowel cleanse.  Just think how much closer we'll be as friends after all this.  :)

My surgery is scheduled for 1:30pm Monday.  I'm not taking my laptop, so I doubt you'll hear from me until I get back on Thursday.  I will have my iPhone with me so it's possible I could tap something out on my Blogger app and post it.........but don't hold your breath.

I can still get email on my phone though so I'll get any comments you leave me.  :)

Every gory detail that you never wanted to know will be chronicled upon my return to Pennsylvania on Thursday.

I'm sure you positively cannot wait.

decisions

Lately, I've been doing a LOT of thinking.  No matter what scenario I run in my mind, the answer always ends as a question mark and I can't make a decision.  Do I look past the flaws of one option and try to be happy?  Or do I try to find happiness elsewhere?  


I just can't figure it out.  Do I want my son in morning preschool?  Or afternoon?


Okay, okay, that's my lame attempt at humor.  But this is stressing me out.


Remember I was hoping to win the lottery?  The free-public-preschool-lottery?  


We lost.  Sniff sniff.  Pennsylvania had to cut school funding to balance the budget so there were even less slots available than in previous years.  


After finding out (back in May, I think), my husband and I decided that we would just take our son to Parent's Morning Out (a program at our church).


It's affordable.  It's nearby.  Both of our children are old enough to attend.  There's no commitment and you can drop them off any day of the week without planning in advance.  


But there's less structure.  


At the last minute (2 days ago) I suddenly realized I want him in a "real" preschool.


So I scrambled.  There are two church preschools with a couple slots left.  


One school that's super close (1 mile away) has an afternoon slot available from 12:15 to 3:00.


Another school, about 2 miles away, has a morning slot (9-12).


What to do?


The advantage of the afternoon slot is that the school is closer.  And in the winter, when there are 2 hour delays for snow days, the afternoon class will still be open.  Morning classes are just plain canceled with no refund. 


The advantage of the morning slot is that it's just a better time of day (for a 3 year old).


Hmmmm.  


I know that 1 mile vs 2 miles doesn't sound like much but I live in a very urban neighborhood that has a LOT of traffic in the morning and several stop lights.  So 2 miles could theoretically take 15 minutes in the morning.  Right now my son is attending a camp about 3.5 miles away and it takes me 20 minutes each way.


So I'm conflicted.  Right now my son takes naps in the afternoon (generally 3-4pm).  Occasionally 2-3pm.  Sometimes not at all.  


Honestly, I'd prefer the afternoon slot but I wonder if I'm being selfish.

tell me what i need please

Leaving in 5 days!

Flight is booked.

Hotel room is reserved.

Vitamins have been ordered.

Protein powders have arrived.  I went with y'alls suggestion of Click (both flavors) plus I ordered a variety pack of 12 Nectars from Bariatric Advantage.  I'll take my 12 packets of powder but will be leaving the rest behind (gotta pack light so the airline can't screw me over charge me).

Bought Gas-X (some of you swear by it; others found it worthless...).  Ehhh, it can't hurt.

I also have a shopping list for when I arrive in Texas (gotta stock my hotel fridge):
Protein shakes, lactose free milk, Carnation Instant Breakfast, low sodium broth, 98% FF soups (to be strained), sugar-free jello, sugar-free popsicles, bottled water.  Do I need all this?  Is there anything I should cross off?

What am I forgetting?

Ummm, I also bought this Blender Ball so I don't have to bust out my big fancy blender (okay, it's not that fancy, it's just heavy and takes up space).  But it got rave reviews on Amazon so I bought it.  See?  Isn't it cool?  It has a WHISK BALL in it.  Clever, huh?  I'm saving the excitement of trying it for when I really need it.  Will let you know.

from there to here

I was looking over my beginning posts and came across this one---it was unpublished.  I'm not sure why...but since I'm a week away from finally getting surgery, I'm starting to look back over the last year.  When I wrote this post I weighed 215 pounds.  Almost a year later, I'm down to 178.  (I was lower a few months ago, but have been bouncing between 175-180 lbs).  This is the original title "from there to here," meaning here was 215; there was 142.  So it's kinda fun to remember and celebrate that I've lost 35 pounds since then.  And if you're a new follower, I was originally hoping to get the gastric band, but after my insurance company denied me in January, my parents offered to pay (actually it's a loan) for my surgery.  SO!  I decided a surgery with less maintenance afterwards (gastric sleeve) was the better option for me so I wouldn't have to deal with paying for fills & adjustments.

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Two weeks ago, I called the Bariatric Center at Magee Womens Hospital in Pittsburgh.

The lady on the phone told me to watch an informational video on weight loss surgery on the hospital website and to fill out some forms after watching it.  

So I did.  Honestly, the video wasn't terribly informative but whatever.  I sent in my forms immediately and got all excited about the possibly of this surgery (gastric band).  The lady told me someone would call me in 3-4 days.

Two weeks went by so I called back.  She said that, yes, based on my weight and height I was a candidate.  I scheduled my first appointment with Dr. Ramanathan.   

I miss working out at the gym like I used to.  Spin classes, weight classes, the elliptical, I love it!  Seven years ago I weighed 142 pounds and was in fantastic shape thanks to 24 Hr Fitness and Weight Watchers.  Prior to THAT, I had gotten up to 193 and worked my ass back into shape.

So how did I get here again?

Because when I got down to 142, I thought I had all it figured out!  I never imagined I'd be back here.  Plus another 22 pounds.  I feel so out of control.

Now I'm 215 lbs and have a BMI of 39.4.  

How did I get from there to here?

Again?

In 2003, I worked out M-F.  My friend and I hit the gym for a few hours every day after work.  Yes, a few hours!  I would leave work at 4:00 and spin class started at 5:00.  I had to get there early to sign in and get a slot.  Then I worked out on weights or the elliptical until spin class started.  

I looked great.  I felt great.  I thought I'd won the war on weight.  

But as the year progressed I started gaining weight, despite my routine.  I remember getting to 150 and slamming my fist on the kitchen counter.  So my husband would understand how upset I was!  So he'd understand my anger and my frustration!  So I slammed my fist.  I followed Weight Watchers religiously and worked out constantly.  I couldn't figure it out.  

I went to my PCP when I got up to 166.   She gave me the standard "Diet & Exercise" lecture.  I was desperate for help and I just felt like she was blaming me.  So I tried harder.

I was hungry.  I felt like no one was listening to me.  I knew how to eat.  I knew how to exercise.  Hell, I even enjoyed it!  I didn't like being lectured on how to stay fit.  I wanted help.  Let me say it again:  I was hungry.

A kind of hunger that gnawed at my stomach all the time.  I'd fill up on broccoli, popcorn, lean protein, or whatever, then find myself hungry one to two hours later.  I could only make so many healthy choices and chew up so many bites of food before throwing in the towel, and slathering peanut butter on an English muffin, and stuffing it into my face.  I just wanted the hunger to stop so I could get on with my day.  Why is that so hard to understand?  

Then in the fall of 2004 I went back to school to get a master's degree.  I commuted from Denver to Ft. Collins, woke up around 5:15 a.m. and didn't return until late in the evenings.  I stopped working out.

But, awesomely enough, I only gained 4 pounds over the course of the next two years because I was still watching what I ate.  I only ate foods that were healthy---and a lot of it.

2006:  At 170 lbs, I packed my things and my husband drove me down to Texas for a 3 month internship.  My parents were kind enough to let me stay with them while I completed my internship at a children's hospital 45 minutes away.  It was a grueling schedule and despite my best intentions to start working out, I never did.  Instead, I stopped off at a gas station every morning to grab a breakfast taco!

Three months later, I weighed 186.  But I graduated and it felt great to be done with school. 

At 186, I was pretty disgusted with myself and knew that last 16 pounds was totally and completely my fault.  

2007:  I turned 30 and my husband & I felt it was time to start a family.  In March I stopped taking my birth control pills.  I have a chronic bladder condition called interstitial cystitis and stopping the pills was the worst thing I could have done.  The pain from this condition shot through the roof!  I was so miserable.  I started taking several medicines (in addition to all the ones I was already taking) that are notorious for making people gain weight---but I was desperate and just wanted the pain to stop.  These medicines and my complete lack of physical activity (because of pain) for three months made me pack on more weight.  I was up to 199 by June 2007.  

Then my husband found out he had been accepted into The University of Pittsburgh's CRNA program and we decided to move.  So I went back on the pill because we decided it wasn't a good time to have a baby. 

Little did I know, I was actually pregnant when I started back on the pill.  I got down to 192 by the end of the summer.  However, I didn't feel right.  My toes would tingle.  My gums bled while brushing my teeth.  My left leg was perpetually numb.  My stomach hurt all of the time...  I had my husband palpate my belly because I felt a "mass."  He said, "It feels like your uterus....  Maybe there's a baby in there."  

We both got a huge laugh out of that.  After all, I was on the pill!

But in the middle of the night I woke up and started thinking about it.  Pregnancy made sense.  I vowed to take a pregnancy test the next morning and went back to sleep.

While my husband was at work, I took a pregnancy test and two lines appeared INSTANTLY.  My hands started shaking and I fumbled around with the directions and breathed a sigh of relief when I read, "Wait 3 minutes."

Oh.

So I sat on the edge of the tub, half expecting one line to disappear.

It didn't.

I was thrilled and terrified.  I had been taking so many pills!!  Gabapentin, Vicodin, Atarax, Singulair, Ditropan, Prednisone, Elmiron, etc......all of these meds were to deal with the pain & inflammation of my bladder.  But a baby?  What had I done?

A few days later, at my first OB appointment, we learned I was already 19 weeks and 5 days along!!!!

If I hadn't been laying on the ultrasound table, I would have hit the floor.  I felt dizzy, faint, but most of all--STUPID.  (And in my defense I'd had a pregnancy test in mid-July when I would have been 7 weeks along that was negative----my doctor ordered the pregnancy test before prescribing Levaquin for a  bladder infection).

Anywho---at that first OB appointment, I weighed 192 and promised myself I wouldn't go over 200.  

Almost five months later (Feb. 08),  I delivered our son, weighing in at 246.  He was perfectly healthy though.  :)

But my weight was humiliating and I developed preeclampsia after delivery, which is somewhat rare.  I wondered (and still wonder) if that was somehow my fault, as obesity is a risk factor.

Regardless, I lost 26 pounds right away and started doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred video and walking.  After 18 months, I got down to 188 before getting pregnant with our second child.  Again, I swore to myself I would do better the second time around.

I didn't.  I weighed exactly the same---246---when our second son was born on May 1, 2010.  And unfortunately I developed gestational diabetes during that pregnancy but was able to control it with my diet.  More humiliation!  

June 2010:  Weighed 211 at my six week check up.

But I've eaten so much since then that I've gained another 4 pounds.

So here I am, at 215, taking medicine to control my blood pressure, which has caused me problems since my first pregnancy.

Aaaaand, I just realized I didn't even answer my original question---how did I go from there to here?

How?

And now I'm wondering if the how even matters.  

What do you think?  Does the how matter?

Or.....Maybe the question is why?  I honestly think real, true, persistent hunger had something to do with it.  Sure, I messed up big time when I spent three months in Texas with my "fuck it" attitude.....but that only accounts for 16 pounds.  What about the rest?

And then I wonder if I'm just kidding myself.  I dunno.

********************************************************

Okay, so now I've had a year to reflect on that question.  Both my PCP and the bariatric surgeon that I met with feel like all of the medicines that I've taken in the past several years contributed to my increased appetite and weight gain.  (Or maybe they are just being nice?)