a new low

My only goal for the month of December was to see The 140's.  That wasn't terribly ambitious, given that on Dec. 1, I weighed 152.5 lbs.  And on Dec. 3, I hit 150.  

But I love Christmas and reserve the month of December for the ONLY time of year I can indulge in certain sweet treats.  Like White Chocolate Peppermint Mochas from Starbucks, fudge (omg, there is nothing better than licking the pan while the fudge is still warm), and Avalanche Bark.

I had only one holiday peppermint mocha, size small, and shared it with my husband.

I made one pan of fudge this year.  I will confess that it only lasted 3 days.

I made at least 4 or 5 batches of Avalanche Bark (a recipe I found on the internet after trying some at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory a few years ago).  It's ridiculously addictive.  It's white chocolate chips melted with peanut butter.  Then you stir THAT with cups of Rice Crispies.  Once that cools off, you stir in marshmallows and mini-chocolate chips.  OMG, yum!  I cut up and gave away every batch I made this year (minus the squares I took).

Also, I discovered a recipe for Congo Bars right here.  They were SO good.  I'll definitely be making these again next Christmas.  She didn't specify the oven temperature or the pan size.  I went with 350 degrees in a 9 x 13 pan and they were FABULOUS.

I have to say, those Congo Bars are the FIRST food (and so far only) to give me nausea after being sleeved.  I could eat one small square without feeling sick but any more (even one bite!) would make me feel nauseated for 1-2 hours.  Not even fudge did that to me.  

Despite my little indulgences, I managed to achieve my goal this month.  Here's the proof!!




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New Boots

Just a quickie post to show you my new boots. Not the greatest pic, with my pink pajama pants rolled clear up to my thighs (& trash everywhere) but it'll do.



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even my feet are smaller

Shoes were the only thing I enjoyed shopping for when I was fat.  Even if I found a cute outfit, I hated spending money, with the thought that I'd be "skinny soon" and it wouldn't fit.  (Which is a laugh considering how much time I spent being big).  But shoes, I thought, LIKE JEWELRY, would never leave my closet no matter how much I gained or lost.

Shoes were the only thing I enjoyed shopping for.  Oh and handbags & jewels.  They were never guilty of sending me home from a shopping trip in tears.

But now?  My feet have shrunk!!!

So ALL THE SHOES I bought over the last few years (guilt-free!) are falling OFF my feet!

How is this POSSIBLE?

I mean, my highest weight EVER was 246 (that I know of) when I was pregnant.  And by that stage of pregnancy my feet were swollen so huge I was literally "barefoot and pregnant."  In winter!

While pregnant with my first son, my shoe size increased a whole size, and after having him, my new bigger-sized shoes continued to fit.

Here was my theory---- I figured that all the extra weight on my feet, combined with the pregnancy hormones that cause joint laxity, had made my feet bigger permanently.  Like the bones had spread apart permanently.

Even when I went from 220 lbs to 180 lbs, my bigger shoes continued to fit just fine.

It is only now that I'm 150 (whoo HOO!) that I find shoes literally falling off my feet as I walk.  I've gone from a shoe size 9.5 to 8.5.

Yesterday, I walked into a store and my shoe literally went flying right off my left foot!  So embarrasing!

Some of my most favorite shoes no longer fit.  Sniff, sniff.

Then, this morning, I went up to the attic to look for something and saw a bag of shoes in the donation pile.  After having my first son, I had gathered up all of my too-small-shoes and donated them.  But a small bag somehow got separated from the others, and I found three pairs that never got donated.

Here they are:  red patent leather peep toe wedges.  Pewter colored peep toe wedges that are soo comfortable, like a tennis shoe.  AND one cute pair of turquoise slingbacks.

Too bad the weather will prevent me from wearing them anytime soon.

But hey, new shoes!

And a new low!  150 lbs.  OMG, I can't WAIT to see the 140's.  Being this close will help me get through the holidays without overindulging too much.  Unfortunately, the one thing this surgery won't do, is make you feel full from eating anything carby.  I could eat an unlimited amount of chips, crackers, cookies, and CRAP.  So I don't buy it (for the most part).  As long as I eat the foods I should be eating, I fill satisfied very fairly quickly and don't eat much.

I've now lost over 60 pounds.  About 30 lbs before surgery and 30 lbs after.  And I must confess---the weight I've lost after surgery was soooo much easier.  You know why?  Because I didn't feel deprived.  My tummy feels satisfied with normal portions now.  And I don't feel hunger or cravings (or whatever made me eat!) anymore.  Hunger and food used to consume so much space in my brain and it just doesn't anymore.  It feels kinda magical, in a way.

This surgery is the best thing ever.

Egg Le Muffins

Okay, forget that link I posted a few weeks ago to an egg muffin recipe. Here's one my husband came up with that's easier and has more protein & less carbs. It has 2 main ingredients. Are you ready? The following recipe makes 12 muffins.

4 eggs
3/4 C cottage cheese

Mix in bowl. Salt & pepper to taste.  Spray muffin pan. Pour in mixture, leaving a little room because they will rise a tiny bit. Top with shredded cheese.

If you wanted to add additional ingredients for flavor (such as bacon, ham, peppers, onions) it's best to add them to each individual muffin to ensure an even distribution.  Anything that tastes good in an omelet would work.  Just top with a tiny bit of cheese as your last step.

Bake at 400 for 20 minutes.

These whip up really quickly and make great snacks/meals to keep on hand when you find yourself hungry.

If you need a quick breakfast, leftovers zap up in 30 seconds in the microwave.

With my sleeve, I eat two for a meal and one for a snack.

*Estimated nutrition info per one plain muffin:

Protein: 4.6g
Fat: 3g
Calories: 50

***This was based on using 2/3C shredded Mexican cheese, but honestly I don't think I sprinkled that much on them.  Who knows?!  Next time I make these I'll measure out the shredded cheese before sprinkling so I can get a more accurate nutrition snapshot.










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skinny jeans

So, Friday morning my husband and I dropped our boys off at Parents Morning Out and went Christmas shopping.  We were done after one stop at Toys R Us and Target, so my husband asked if there was anywhere I wanted to go before our lunch reservations.

How many weeks ago did I get those 12P Calvin Kleins from Costco?  Two or three.  

They're already too big.

SO....Jean shopping was in order (loath).  Not the most fun thing in the world.  And quick!  Because we didn't have much time.

Due to the time crunch---we headed straight to my go-to-store (Nordstrom) and my go-to-brand (Not Your Daughter's Jeans).  Grabbed the 12P.  Tried them on.  Too big.  :D  Next!

What do you know?

The 10Ps fit.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If 8Ps ever fit I will do a freakin' somersault.  6Ps?  I'll do a cartwheel right here on this blog!!!  But for 10Ps, just a bunch of exclamation points.

You know, shopping is not the torture it used to be.  I might even like it a little bitty bit.  It helps to have a brand that can reliably fit your shape.  If you haven't tried NYDJ jeans, you should.  They work miracles.

Andddddd?  And I almost forgot to sayyyy, these are SKINNY jeans people.  SKINNY FIT jeans on me?!?!

Me!!!

Those are not my mile-long legs in the pic (duh), but those are the jeans.  This chick is probably a size O tall.  I'll have to get a whole outfit together before I post any pics.  You can't see it but the back pocket has a really cool chevron-shaped detail made of leather.  LOVE.

My weight this morning was 153 this morning (BMI = 27).  My goal is 140.  Hoping to get there by my 35th birthday (Feb).  :)








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10 Things Thursday

Warning:  I don't have much of anything weight loss related to share.

1.  My husband went to Vegas last week to get some "continuing education."  This was the result:




The look on his face is pretty priceless, don't you think?

2.  My husband is currently looking for a new job.  Don't worry---he's still working.  This job search has nothing to do with the above photo hitting Facebook!  We've decided that it's important for our children to grow up with memories of cousins and grandparents.  So LOOKOUT.  We might be moving to Texas or Colorado.  He has two interviews set up in Pueblo, CO next week.  Exciting!!

3.  I have spent a ridiculous amount of time looking at houses on zillow.com and dreaming, trying to imagine us moving back to Colorado or Texas....

4.  It's that time of year!  Yarn, yarn, yarn.  Me loves.  Here is the right mitt I finished a few days ago.  The left one is still on the needles.




4.  Did you see that video of the Texas judge beating his daughter?  It was burning up the internet yesterday!  The mom in the video was one of my high school teachers.  It was appalling on so many levels.  Especially for me because I have so much respect for that woman (yes, despite the video).  She made a lasting impression on me (in a positive way) and it's hard to read so many comments on the internet about what a horrible mother she must be.  The mom and daughter appeared on The Today Show this morning:  click here if you want to see the interview.  Anyway, they are in my thoughts and prayers and I'd love it if you added them to your list too.

5.  Wow, this is random and totally inspired by #4.  When I was in high school, at the end of my senior year, when the school was giving out scholarships and awards, I got a very unexpected award from the teacher I just mentioned.  Let me preface it by saying that every subject had a "top student."  So, of course, the principal started with the smart people subjects like Chemistry, Physics, Calculus.  I did not get any of those.  Keep your panties on.  Then he got to the easy subjects.  When my teacher got up there to announce the "Home Ec Student of the Year," imagine my shock when she called my name.  ME!  Lee Ann!  The girl who does. not. clean.  Anything.  EVER.  I am the LEAST domestic woman you will ever meet.  I don't clean.  I didn't cook---At the time, I couldn't so much as scramble an egg.  I was like, "WTF??!!" as I walked on stage to receive my award.  My teacher whispered that it was because of the children's book I had written as a class project for her.  Well, that was just great, because I could hear my mom CACKLING from the back of the auditorium.  If you knew me, you'd be laughing your ass off back there with her too.  For my last few days of school, all I heard from my friends was, "Hey!  Bake me some MUFFINS!"

6.  Last time I got on the scale it said 155!!  Yay me.  

7.  I bought a pair of jeans at Costco the other day without even trying them on.  Gasp.  Hey, this is risky people.  I got them home and they FIT.  OMG.  You can take your panties off now.

8.  Those jeans were a size 12P and I think if I didn't have so much saggy tummy skin, I'd be even smaller because the jeans are loose in the butt and thighs.

9.  Family portraits are scheduled in a couple weeks and for the first time in YEARS, I'm excited about it and not dreading it.

10.  Well dang.  All I could come up with were 9 things.

recipe time

Look what I made last night. I told my son they were "egg cupcakes," so he'd give them a try. It didn't work.  (Dangit, he's gettin' smart!).  My one year old devoured his though.  I used this recipe from allrecipes.com but used 3 veggie sausage patties from Trader Joes (microwaved, lol) and a red onion because it was all I had. Plus I cut the recipe in half and baked it in a muffin pan so I could have some handy meals to pop in the microwave for the rest of the week.  Oh and I used less butter too.  So mine probably had less calories than the original version, especially when half the recipe made 12 "muffins."  I can only eat one as a meal and that's only half a serving...maybe next time I'll use carmelized onions and bacon.

Did I really need surgery?

It was great seeing some friends during my little vacation last week.  One of them asked, "But don't you think you could have done it without surgery?  You were doing so good on your own."

Hmmm.

She isn't the first person to ask me this.  I kind of don't know what to say.  Obviously I did not think I could do it myself.

I don't know what to think of this question.  Sometimes people make statements that are disguised by questions......so I wonder...is that what this is?  Was that a statement?

I really don't know.  I love my friends and I don't think anyone would purposely hurt my feelings, but this question kind of does.

The answer is NO.  I could not have done it on my own.  Sure, I lost 30-35 pounds before surgery but I hit a plateau of 175-180 lbs.  That is where I ALWAYS got stuck.  And by "always" I mean for the last 8 years.  In the last 8 years I have gone up and down and could never get to less than 180.  It takes MAJOR focus and determination to get down to the 180-185 mark for me.

And by "major focus," I mean to say that I had to learn to live with hunger.  I had to find ways to distract myself from eating even healthy foods.  My appetite was out of control.  It didn't matter what I ate.  Protein, fiber, healthy fats, etc.  I was HUNGRY all the time.  To get down to my "low" weight of 180's, I had to work out like crazy and constantly stuff myself with foods such as grilled chicken, black beans, greek yogurt, and raw fruits & veggies.  Honestly, I got SO SICK TO DEATH of chewing up these foods but I had to if I wanted that gnawing feeling in my gut to go away.  We all know how long it takes to chew up raw broccoli and carrots.  Eventually, I'd get tired of all the jaw motion and just slather peanut butter on toast and gobble it up.

Once I got to about 190-195 lbs "on my own," I started taking Topamax which totally killed my ferocious appetite.  It made it so much easier to lose weight.  So that's actually how I got to 175.  Oh and that little drug called Alli---about six weeks of free samples from my doctor.  That helped me too.  But then I started having some side effects that I couldn't tolerate so I had to stop taking the Topamax.  Slowly, despite my best efforts, my weight crept back up.  From 175 in February to 180 on the day of surgery in July.

Dieticians love to tell people that losing weight is SIMPLE.  As long as you eat less calories than what your body needs, you'll lose weight.  Well, obviously it's NOT THAT SIMPLE.  Their little equation totally disregards hunger.  That annoys me.  Can you tell?

Now that I've had surgery, it is that simple for me.  And THAT is heaven.

I love charts. Here is my weight chart that I keep on my phone.  It's an app called Weight Tracker.  I had to take two separate screen shots to show you this.  The first pic is a photo BEFORE surgery.  See how I lost weight but then it crept upwards after I stopped taking Topamax?






And now look at this second photo.  AFTER surgery.  I could not have broken the 175-180 mark without it because my appetite was a MAJOR factor in my weight problem.




It is heavenly to feel satisfied after eating.  Yes, I needed something drastic, like surgery.

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150's!!

Just got back home after spending a week in Texas. I'm very behind on blog reading, please forgive me, I'll catch up this week. My mismatched socks are a result of fumbling in the dark last night looking for anything to keep my feet warm after a long day of flying with a 3 year old and a 1 year old. But look at the scale!! 150's!!! My BMI is at 28 (overweight still) but I feel really good and know that I'll get to "normal" soon enough.


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Lunch

Mmm, sushi. Ate lunch with my husband at Penn Ave Fish Market in the Strip District. I was only able to eat one piece of tuna, one piece of salmon, and two pieces of the roll. Sooo good. And cute, don't you think?


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Just testing this

I'm trying to post this directly from my phone. Last time I tried it (several months ago), it didn't work.





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ten things thursday

Ack!  Sorry that last thing published.  My list was getting depressing so I chopped off all the HIGH DRAMA BULLSHIT and put it in a new post (so I wouldn't lose it) and accidentally hit publish.  Sorry.  No one wants to read my family drama.  Trust me.  So here are my ten things.

1.  No worries my friends.  I know not to lie to the life insurance people.  Just to be clear---I already have life insurance--- we opened the policy 7 years ago when we bought our first house.  So I'll just keep my old policy.

2.  My husband and I had a FABULOUS freakin' time in Buffalo, NY last weekend for the Buffalo Bills game.  It was a perfect day.  Gorgeous weather.  An exciting game.  They even won, wow, imagine that.  The Bills are 2-0 this season which is proof that miracles do happen.  If they can win a game, I can lose weight.    

3.  I'm more than halfway through knitting a scarf for my husband.  I bought this yarn well over a year ago and I'm FINALLY getting around to making it.  Yay me.

4.  When people ask my husband if he's half black, he says, "From the waist down, yes."  For the record, his mom is white and his dad is from the Middle East.  And as he says, "I'm not half anything."

5.  Someone broke into my car a couple weeks ago and took two iPods, all my cash, and my quarters for parking meters!  Assholes.  My old iPhone worked like an iPod touch after I upgraded to a new phone.  It's kind of tragic for this WLS blog because I had some unflattering pictures of myself on them BEFORE I lost any weight.  I was in my undies and sports bra.

6.  I hope the thief chokes on their food when they view those pictures.

7.  Just kidding.  I had put the pictures into an app called Spy Calc.  The app looks just like a calculator.  When you click on it, a calculator opens.  You can't see any private photos or videos unless you type in the secret code.  This is free!

7.  I'm sure you're all super disappointed you won't be seeing me in my 215 pound glory wearing not-mucha-nothin'.

8.  My 3 year old son totally humiliated me this morning at the gym.  There's a little shop of UnderArmour clothes with mannequins.  He pulled the mannequin's pants down before I could stop him.  When I got over to him, he explained, "I just wanted to see his butt Mom."  Why me?

9.  I woke up at 6:00 am and decided to get up early, read blogs, and sip coffee.  It didn't last long.  Both of my boys woke up by 6:20.  Sigh.  That's okay.  One day they will be grown and I'll be wishing for my sweet chubby cheekies to snuggle.

10.  If you tell me your name I'll add you to my Facebook so you can see more pictures (like our Buffalo Bills pics).  I wish I could add photos to this blog straight from my phone (like on FB!) but I'm too lazy to connect my phone, upload the pics, then publish it here.  Is there an app for that?  Can you publish pics from Blog Press on your phone???  Anybody know?

i'm a BFL

BFL.  Big Fat Liar.

So this morning my husband and I met with our financial planner.

We had lots to discuss.  One thing was seeing if he could get me a cheaper rate on life insurance than what I'm currently paying.  So he had to ask me a few questions.

Gained or lost more than 10 pounds in the past year?  

Yes.  

How much?

48 pounds.  (Wow!  I hadn't realized how close to 50 I was!!)  

He went through several more pages of medical questions.  Blah blah SNORE.  Then, he asked, "Have you had any surgeries in the last year?"

No.

My husband raised his eyebrow.

I glared back.

He didn't out me.  (What a smart SMART man).

...........................................so?  Why'd I lie?....................

I have no idea.  I regretted it instantly.  But then, what was I supposed to do?  

Say, "Oh yeah, I just remembered I had weight loss surgery two months ago?"

Ugh!

I don't know why I did that!!!

I guess in that instant, I didn't want to be judged.  I didn't want him to think it was ALL surgery because DAMMIT, I lost over 30 pounds before surgery!!!  But the reality is that I could not be at the weight I'm at today without it.  I know that.  I'm ashamed of myself for lying.  That's not me.  

And now, when he calls to give me a rate, I'll just have to say, "No thanks" to whatever policy he comes up with because I'm a BIG FAT LIAR.

Intead of maybe saving myself some money on life insurance, I lied.  Ugh!!!  Can I have a time machine?  I need a do-over.

Okay, okay Ronnie!  I'll get off my lazy blogging ass and write a freakin' update.  (Thanks for making me feel loved Ronnie).   Warning:  There is a total overshare in the last paragraph so you might oughtta skip it....don't say I didn't warn you.

So, how am I?  And what is it like having VSG?

It's been 8 weeks since surgery.  I've lost 17 pounds.  That puts me at 163.  I still want to lose 20 more pounds.

Some of you have urged me to count what I lost on my "pre-op diet."  Uhhh, well, that was supposed to entail 2 weeks of protein shakes for breakfast & lunch and one lean protein & veggie for dinner.  So let me confess right now that I only lost 3 pounds on my pre-op diet because I just didn't follow through with it.  I tried, but keeping up with two little kids (and breastfeeding!) on that little was a NO GO.

Here's what I ate yesterday:

Breakfast:  1 scrambled egg, 5 grapes
Lunch: 2oz tuna fish, mixed with 1T of light mayo.  one slice of whole wheat bread.
Snack:  half a protein bar (Clif's builder bar)
Dinner:  2/3 of a grilled chicken breast & sauteed broccoli (1/2C)
Snack: chobani greek yogurt.  Have you tried the lemon flavor?  Mmm.

Total:  919 calories

I'm kind of concerned about not getting in as many veggies as the food pyramid calls for but......oh well, I guess that's what vitamins are for.

Today so far:
Breakfast:  coffee with 1T half n half, 1 scrambled egg sprinkled with cheese
Lunch: hubby took me to a breakfast place and I had grit cakes with chorizo gravy.  It was so good.  I ate about 1/4 of my plate.

Before surgery, these amounts of foods would have NEVER satisfied me.  But now I feel fine.  I eat a meal and don't get hungry until the next meal.  That's pretty amazing for me.

I wish I was losing weight faster, but I'm not, so I'm trying to accept that.

Despite the slight disappointment regarding the slowness of losing this weight, I'm SUPER happy with how I feel after surgery.  I'm not starving.  I'm not thinking about food 24/7.  I no longer feel like I'm "white-knuckling it."

From reading other VSG blogs, I've noticed that some people can't enjoy spicy foods, ice cream, or junk food after surgery.  Let me tell you though---for better or worse, I CAN.  I can eat ANYTHING without suffering ill effects.  I can eat ice cream.  I can eat chips, candy, whatever.  I have to avoid these foods because they DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL FULL.  At all.  If I wanted to eat that junk, I totally could.  All day long.  Protein fills me up quickly and will "stick," so I have to do my part and eat that first.  Once I do that, I can't get much else in.

So it's up to me.

My gym routine:  I've been doing spin classes, the elliptical machine, and strength training classes.  I go at least 4 days a week for an hour.  Monday I did a kickboxing class and had fun.  :)

And!  That morning it was so hard to make it to that kickboxing class.  The Fat Gods were totally conspiring against me.  They got my youngest son to smear oatmeal in his hair during breakfast.  Then, of course, the Fat Gods hid my 3 year old's shoes!  So we had to do conduct a full-scale archeological dig to find them.  Despite these hurdles, we got to the gym with a  few minutes to spare, but then I went to the bathroom and discovered my TOM had come a few days earlier than expected.  The tampon machine was empty.  For about 5 seconds, I considered leaving the gym all together, but, well ladies, I did what I had to do.  I wadded up some toilet paper, stuffed it in my pants, and said a prayer.  (Oh please God, don't let this fall out my pant leg like that time on the bus in 9th grade).

little bitty update

So, I'm down a total of 13 pounds since surgery.  It's been over 6 weeks.  Are you amazed?  I know, me neither.  It's kind of frustrating as I'd like to see a more dramatic drop.  I'm working out 4-5 times a week for an hour.  Right now I alternate spin classes with doing my own cardio workouts.  Next week I'm going to add strength training classes to the mix.

Spin classes are intense.  After each class I literally mop sweat off the floor with my towel.  It's not like I'm going to the gym to take naps in the locker room.  Although, now that I've thought of it, it's not a bad idea...

When I do the elliptical, I do the harder one that looks like a gazelle machine.  And I push myself.  I crank it up to level ten and require myself to run at least 5 miles in an hour.  For some people, that's easy.  For me, it's a challenge.  

So what gives?

I ordered a monitor to measure my body fat %.  Normal is 21-32%.  Mine is 33.6%.  Which is great considering in September of last year it was 46.7%.

My goal is 25% or less.

I wonder if being so close to "non-overweight" body fat % is what is making this so difficult.

? 

And I'm still breastfeeding.  I can't help but think that is playing a role in how stubbornly this fat is hanging on!!

I'm just scared to wean because it's the only thing that helps my chronic bladder pain....and my husband doesn't want more children.  I have this horrible fear that I'll wean and the pain will come back full force (because it will).  And then, the only way I know how to make it go away is to get pregnant and nurse another baby.  I've had this disease (IC--interstitial cystitis) for 16 years and the only time I've felt "normal" is for the last 3.5 years.  There's something magical about pregnancy and lactation.  I tried EVERYTHING to control my pain.  Narcotics.  Electrical stimulation.     

So, I'm scared to ruin a goood thing just to lose 20 pounds.  And who knows if quitting BFing would even help the weight loss??

As frustrated as I am, I'm feeling pretty good about my body.  I feel SO MUCH better about myself compared to last summer.  But I would LOVE to lose at least 12 more pounds.  Is that so much to ask?

In other news, my parents have split up.  Oh, this isn't the first time....they've split so many times I can't even count.  They are living apart yet again.  We have a trip planned for October to go down to TX to see everyone.  And now---OH WE JUST CAN'T WAIT.  I thought I was visiting my hometown but now I'll be in Drama City walking on tight ropes and eggshells.  

Fun, fun!

Despite less-than-amazing-weight-loss stats and family drama, I have a pretty damn good life and here's a list of all the awesome things coming up this month.

1).  I have tickets to see Jackson Browne.  I know, I know.  You're jealous, aren't you?  

2).  My husband and I are going to an NFL game in a couple weeks.  Before you get too jealous of this one, let me just say it's the Buffalo Bills.  My husband grew up in San Diego, CA and for some reason has always been a huge Bills fan.  In case you don't know, they have been on a terrible losing streak for the last few years (okay, a DECADE, possibly longer).  But we are GOING by golly.  My former neighbor is from Buffalo and she hooked us up with the name & number of a babysitter (that was the tricky part!).

3).  Next week my 3 year old starts preschool.  If I shed any tears on that day, it will NOT be because my sweet little boy is growing up.  They will be tears of joy.  And perhaps a few tears that it's only 2 half days a week instead of ALL FIVE.

4).  This might not pan out, but my friend's husband shot her up with some expired Botox from the clinic he works at.  She asked him if he could shoot me up next time another bottle expires and he said he would.  But you know how men are....they forget.  And I'm not one to pester him so......we'll see. 

5).  We are having a big backyard BBQ this weekend with all of our neighbors.  It'll be fun.

my fat free mass

So.  Let's talk about something.

FFM.  That's fat free mass.  When I agreed to be a research participant before having surgery, they measured me with all kinds of fancy gadgets.  Here were my stats, taken September 2010.

Height: 5 ft 2 (actually no one can seem to agree if I'm 5 ft 2 or 3).  

Weight: 207 lbs 

FFM: 110 lbs

Fat mass: 97 lbs (***k!)

The lady explained that FFM (fat free mass) is what your bones, organs, and muscles weigh.  

Then at the bottom of my printout it says:

Desirable Range: 21-33% body fat

Desirable Fat Mass: 29-54 pounds

So I asked the lady that day, "Does that mean I should weigh 139-164 lbs?"  (That's my FFM of 110 lbs plus my recommended "desirable" fat mass).

She looked at my paper and said, "Yep, you're very solid.  That's good.  You're less likely to get osteoporosis as you age."  She said some people have heavier and more dense bones, especially kids who were chunky (who you talkin' bout?).  She explained that my body frame is still "medium," it's just that I have a dense skeleton......which makes me think of Cartman on Southpark---"I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!"

So it turns out Cartman is right, but it's more like dense bones, not big bones.  At least for me.  I'm sure there are some people out there that are big-boned AND dense-boned.

Here's the kicker----according to the BMI chart, I'm "overweight" as soon as I pass 136 pounds (at 5 ft 2).  ANDDDDD,  I'm "obese" at 163 lbs.  But according to the fancy measures these research docs took, I'm actually not even overweight at ALL until I weigh 165.  At 5 ft 2!

When I was a kid, my mom told me women should weigh 100 pounds if they are 5 ft tall.  Then, for every inch over 5 feet, they can weigh five more pounds.  I'm not sure where she heard this little formula, but it's obviously not for every body.  According to her (or that) I should weigh 110.  And noooow I see that I can't EVER weigh that little.  It's not possible.

The funniest part is that when I got down to what I now consider my "skinny weight" (142 pounds thanks to Weight Watchers), I considered myself a failure (for years) because I thought losing more weight was necessary (at least 6 pounds so I could have a "normal" BMI).  In fact, I had joined WW on-line (I started at 171 lbs) and was working super hard to get down to 136 pounds so I could nominate myself to be one of their featured "success stories."  For some reason, I couldn't see (or didn't care) that you could see veins rippling from my ankles to my knees, from my hands to my biceps, etc.  But, if only I'd known then what I know now......

I was already a "success story," but I got too caught up in the stupid in numbers, particularyly the ****-ing BMI chart, to see it.

HOWEVER, if these doctors are right, I was only 3 pounds over the minimum weight recommended for me (and my boobs alone weigh more than that).  And I did maintain 142 lbs for over two years.....the problem is I had to work out 1-2 hours a day, 5 days a week, and then on weekends I typically went skiing or hiking for 4-8 hours just because I enjoyed it.  Not only that, but I had to feel like I was starving 24/7 AND it was also necessary to avoid outings (of a non-fitness nature) with friends.  It required avoiding parties to prevent myself from overindulging.  It required refusing dinner invitations.  If I hadn't been so strict I could have never achieved that weight or maintained it for as long as I did......

Another thing, recently, that helped me see that 142 was a perfectly acceptable weight for 5 ft 2 (or 3, whatever I am!) is that Stephanie from Electric LadyBand, posted about her friend Bitchcakes, a Weight Watchers success story.  Like me, she is 5 ft 2.  She achieved her goal weight of 138 pounds.  And she looks fabulous.  I'm glad she was wise enough to ignore those blasted BMI charts.

I'm really thankful she's brave enough to post her height and weight so morons like me can see that it's not necessary to weigh 115 lbs to have a fit & fabulous body.

So I get it now.

142 lbs at 5 ft 2 was good.

Can I have it back now?  Please God?

I will appreciate it this time.  I promise.

officially not "obese"

Thanks for all of your encouragement after my last post.  Five days ago, I swore off the scale because it was pissing me off.  This morning, when I hopped back on, it was so happy to see me again that it told me I lost two pounds.  Not as much as I'd like......but....Yay!  We're friends again.

I'm not sure if I'm 5 ft 2 or 3 and since being 5 ft 2 no longer benefits me (ala BMI calculations), I will hereby go with the taller of the two measurements---so, ahem, I'm 5 ft 3.  Aaaaand, at 168 pounds that makes me OVERWEIGHT.  Not obese (good Lawd how I hated that word).  Woo hoo!

The nutritionist from my surgeon's office called yesterday to see how I was doing & feeling after progressing my diet to the second phase (mushies).  I feel great!  I hadn't thought about it until she asked, but I feel back to myself.  The first 2-3 weeks after surgery I felt rundown and had nooo energy but yesterday was the 4 week mark and I feel great (and have for over a week).

She asked if I was getting all my water in.  Check.  All my protein?  Check.  All my vitamins?  Check.  She said "great" and was juuuust about to hang up before I blurted out, "But I've only lost 10 pounds.  Shouldn't I be losing more than that?"

She said YES.  I should be losing more than that.

Sigh......

So she sent me some food logs to fill out and email back to her in a week.  I've been tracking everything with that app "MyFitnessPal," and I'm very good about being honest.  And my calories have been anywhere from 600-900 for the past two weeks (less calories before that!).

So I'm still perplexed but actually I've lost 12 pounds total as of this morning--not 10, like I told her.

I can't help but wonder if my body is hanging on tighter because I'm still breastfeeding my 15 month old.

???

A doctor that I saw back in March remarked that breastfeeding helps moms lose weight at first but the low estrogen of breastfeeding is similar to menopause.... ?  Something like that.

Perhaps that is to blame for the slow weight loss?

Perhaps it's that I only had about 40 to lose to begin with?

Oh well, we're down to 28 now!!

NSV yet frustrated.

Just got from a family camping trip in West Virginia so I'm behind in blog reading.  First, I'll report an NSV (non-scale victory).

I've actually worn a bathing suit out in public (gasp).  For me that's pretty huge.  Honestly I don't like the way I look right now (30 lbs overweight) but I don't hate the way I look either.  So that's progress!

However, I'm totally frustrated with the scale.

I'm over 3 weeks out from surgery and have only lost 10 pounds.  The scale hasn't moved in 12 days.  TWELVE days people!!

I'm eating less than 1000 calories, usually around 600-800, still eating mushies, etc.  So WTF?  I mean seriously!!!  WTF.  

Not once have I gone over 1000 calories.  What gives??

I kind of regret telling any friends about having this surgery because in my imagination they are wondering what the hell is wrong with me, that I have surgery and still can't get my weight under control.

I mean, how is this even possible?

I even started going back to the gym!  I'm not doing classes yet but I went 4 times and did the elliptical for an hour before going on vacation.  During vacation I didn't even "splurge" because all I could really eat were protein shakes and water because I couldn't eat any of the food my husband grilled, like chicken and vegetables.  The only food I ate was a scrambled egg every morning for breakfast.  And greek yogurt in small quantitities.

Also, during vacation, we stayed at a KOA campground and did a ton of swimming in the lake and bike riding.  I also walked a TON and played frisbee with my 3 year old, which means I spent an inordinate amount of time fetching his wild throws.  

And.....nothing.  No weight loss. 

12 days, my friends.  This sucks.  

Here's my 3 year old roasting marshmallows.  Then the bottom photo is me (in pajamas) with my 1 year old, the only picture of me on the entire trip (my 3 year old took the picture).  Not sure why we are glowing heavenly white.....

Survey Says!

Did you imagine me saying that title in my best Richard Dawson voice?  Because I totally was.

Okay, everyone is doing it.  Why not?

1.            What is your occupation right now? 
SAHM.  (stay at home mom!) but I'm an occupational therapist when I do work, most of my experience is in hand therapy, acute trauma, and pediatrics (like kids with developmental delays like autism).  I've taken the last year off since my second son was born.  The key to being a happy SAHM is to never actually stay home.  That is the key.  We go places almost every day.  Anywhere from the gym, children's museum, to the grocery store, to playdates in our backyard or in the park---seeing other adults during the day is the only way to stay sane.  

2.            What color are your socks right now?

Barefoot.

3.            What are you listening to right now?
I'm listening to the other night's episode of Big Brother.  It's playing on my computer while I read and write.  

4.            What was the last thing that you ate?

Greek yogurt with splenda & Crystal Light mixed in for flavor.

5.            Can you drive a stick shift?
No.  My BFF tried to teach me in highschool.  She chose the cemetery (of all places!) to try and coach me through it.  She was a great teacher but I suck when eye-hand-feet coordination is required.  Which is funny b/c my dad is a helicopter pilot.  Did you know helicopter pilots have to use both feet and hands to fly?  All at the same time!  I obviously was not blessed with any of his coordination.

6.            Last person you spoke to on the phone?
I had to call about a bill saying I owe $1,598 for the anesthesia during my surgery.  Umm, no I don't!  It was $800 and I paid it a month ago.  I even checked with the bank to make sure the check cleared.  WTH?

7.            Do you like the person you stole this blog from?

Yeppers.

8.            How old are you today?
34.

9.            What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
College football is the ONLY sport I watch. Go Longhorns!  Texas fight!

10.          What is your favorite drink?
Coffee.  Especially the "bold" flavors made by Keurig.

11.          Have you ever dyed your hair?
Highlights mostly.  I was blonde as a child and it became dark blonde after puberty but I put highlights to make it more blonde.  Once, I got tired of the expense (in college) and dyed it brown.  I did not recognize the girl in the mirror.  Never again.

12.          Favorite food?
Thai.

13.          What is the last movie you watched?
I honestly can't remember, it's been so long.  We have Netflix but the only thing we watch are TV shows.  Right now my husband and I are watching the 3rd season of True Blood and Friday Night Lights.

14.          Favorite day of the year?
Christmas (because of my boys).

15.          How do you vent anger?
I bitch and moan to anyone who will listen.

16.          What was your favorite toy as a child?
My Cabbage Patch dolls.  Grace Maricela, Mara Cherry, and Gerard Stu (hey!  I didn't name them!)

17.          What is your favorite season?
When I'm in Pittsburgh, it's summer and fall.  If I'm in Texas, I'll take fall/spring.  Summer is too damn hot and humid there.

18.          Cherries or Blueberries?
Rainier cherries.  

19.          Do you want your friends to blog this survey?
Yepper-dee-doodle.

20.          Where is you favorite place to escape?
Camping anywhere.  But I don't do tents.  Mama needs a cabin with AC and a bed.

21.          Favorite TV Show(s)?
Of all time?  Six Feet Under.  I liked the series Rome on HBO.  And Spartacus!  

22.          Living arrangements?
We own a beautiful place in Colorado with a view of the mountains but right now we are renting an ugly house in a very urban neighborhood in Pittsburgh.  Can you really expect much from a neighborhood named "Squirrel Hill"?  But it's cool!  Lots of restaurants, shops, etc within an easy walk from our house.  I just miss my beautiful brand new house.....the one I'm living is over 100 years old.  It's somewhat charming but I'm not a fan of the awful 1960's kitchen remodel.

23.          When was the last time you cried?
I have no idea.  I don't cry very easily but if I do it's because I'm super pissed off.

24.          What is on the floor of your closet?
Shoes, shoes, shoes! 

25.          Who is the friend you have had the longest?
I'd say it's my BFFs Jennifer & Lara.  We met in sixth grade (so, 23 years ago).

26.          What did you do last night?
Snuggled with the hubs after the kids went to bed and watched Friday Night Lights.  The episode where the coach caught his daughter in bed with the quarterback.  

27.          What are you most afraid of?
Disability (perhaps because of my career).  All it takes is one second .....  From a head injury to getting your leg ripped off in an accident...working with these patients is rewarding and it reminds you every day that your life could change in an instant.  It makes me appreciate everything I have, every day.  Well, most days.

28.          Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
Cheese.

29.          Favorite dog breed?
Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier.  Yes, I spelled Wheaten (the breed is spelled with an "e", the color is spelled with an "o.")  We have a 3 year old named Dolly.

30.          Favorite day of the week?
Saturday.

31.          How many states have you lived in?
Texas, Colorado, and Pennsylvania

32.          Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds.

33.          What is your favorite flower?
I love the smell of verbena. 

more on cheating

So a few days ago I confessed to "cheating" by not adhering strictly to my 3 week diet of liquids only.

So now I need to explain myself a little better.  

Before I decided to chow down on applesauce, Malt O Meal, yogurt, and the like, I came across this post-op diet put out by Cornell University.  Check it out here:  Cornell VSG Guidelines.  

Honestly, I have no idea how surgeons come up with the diet they tell people to follow.  Some say liquids for "X amount of time," while others start VSG patients on mushies right away.  Even the flaky fish I ate was considered a mushy, so I didn't go totally rogue y'all.  I have no idea how much (if any) academic research is out there regarding the most appropriate post-op diet for people with the gastric sleeve.

When I came across Cornell's protocol (prior to my surgery), I bookmarked it in case I found myself hungry in the weeks following surgery.  

I certainly don't encourage anyone to follow this Cornell diet without discussing it with their doctor or anything, but I'm just saying that there seems to be no real consensus on what the "best practice" is for post-op diet with this particular surgery.

In my surgeon's case, he gives all patients a binder that's full of information for gastric sleeve, gastric band, and gastric bypass patients.  He gives us all the SAME diet.  Which I find strange.....

Anyhow, I've had no adverse effects from advancing my diet a wee bit soon, and I'm basically following this Cornell timeline.  But with that said, please know that I'm chewing everything for a LONG time and my 15 month old son eats FAR more in one sitting than I do.  This diet recommends 1/4-1/2C of mushies at any given meal but I can only have about 1/4C at a time right now.  It's amazing how little food it takes to satisfy me for hours on end. 

I'm A Cheater

Don't call the Food Police.  I'm not cheating on bad foods.  It's just that I'm supposed to be on a full liquid diet for 3 weeks.  Nothing but water, protein drinks, broth, and popsicles.

Uhhhhhhhh.  What can I say?  I need real food.

I tried a scrambled egg about a week after surgery.  Actually, I've had an egg several times, but I can only eat about 2/3 before getting full.

Here's what else I've had:  greek yogurt, pudding, ice cream, miniature Oreos, a Dove chocolate square.  Oh wait, I just said I wasn't eating "bad" foods.  Well, I guess some of these aren't the best choices but I've decided from here on out, my motto is:

Balance, not Perfection.

So that's what I was doing.  A couple mini Oreos or ONE chocolate square is not going to get me back to Square One.  It's about moderation so I don't feel guilty considering how tiny the amounts were.  What's AWESOME is how little it took to satisfy me.  Not just the feeling in my tummy, but the feeling in my brain too.  Just a little was enough.  So I stopped.

Hmm, let's see.  I know I've cheated more than that.  Oh YEAH!  My husband grilled some salmon last week.  One ounce filled me up.

A few nights ago we went out to dinner at Salt of the Earth, a place here in Pittsburgh.  For an appetizer, my husband ordered some sashimi.  It was so good I had to take a picture for you guys after I'd had a couple bites.  It had "prickly pear" on it which looked like beet juice.  PLUS, it was sprinkled with fried tempera batter--which looked like Rice Crispies.  It was amazing and full of flavor.

Hmm, what else?  Fat free refried beans go down good right now.  As did my own homemade carrot soup---I got the recipe from Allrecipes.com a couple years ago.  My kids LOVE it.  All you do is boil 3 lbs of carrots in 6C of chicken stock, a stick of butter, 2T of dill, and salt to taste.  Then puree.  Supposedly, that is six servings but I halved the recipe and it lasted in my fridge all week with my kids and I eating it.

Malt O Meal goes down good right now but I'm not a huge fan of it (as is my 3 year old!).  

Basically, I have advanced my diet to what my surgeon calls "Phase 2: Soft Foods."

A few nights ago my husband grilled up some farm fresh corn and it looked SIMPLY DEVINE and smelled wonderful but I was too scared to even try a bite.  And oh yeah, he served that alongside steak!  I didn't dare try that either.

I'm still relying on protein drinks to get in all my protein.

Lovin' this surgery so far!

Feast your eyes on my sashimi.  :)

recent pics

Thanks for all the nice compliments on my last photo.  But---let me just say, I do not like that picture of me in the black swimsuit cover-up dress.  Blech!  I look like a stocky little football player.  If I hadn't had my surgery scheduled, I would have never allowed a full body shot to be taken.  Especially with my hair in a ponytail (even though that's how I usually wear it).

Since that photo, I've lost about 10 pounds.  Here's some pics I took this morning.  Yes, this very morning. My body isn't that different but I feel like my face looks a lot less chubby.  I'm starting to like what I see.  And look what else!  My wedding ring fits comfortably now.  :)  That makes me really happy.

I've already lost a cup size from my bra, which makes me a 36H.  "H" as in HALLELUJAH, I'm not an "I" anymore.

Last night I got a new bra from Nordstrom.  Their sale is over tomorrow night, so you better get there fast if you need a bra fitting.  I know that topic is sooo two months ago, but they are having a sale right now!  I got this bra, it's so cute.  And when your tatas are as big as mine, this is a GREAT deal, because they basically have to sew a couple military grade parachutes together.  That gets pricey.  (I wish I could be one of those women who could buy something off the rack at Target for <$20 without trying it on).  Sigh....

 

Part 5: Discharge

Finally, around 5:30pm, they decided I was good enough to leave.

My nurse came and taught me how to give myself heparin shots.  It's easy:  Grab a little hunk of fat and jab at a 45 degree angle into your tummy.  It doesn't hurt.

She gave me all my prescriptions and discharge papers and wheeled me out.  

Off to fill the scripts:  liquid pain medicine (Lortab elixir), heparin (to prevent clots), Zegerid powder (to prevent heartburn).

Well.  No one told me it would be DIFFICULT AS HELL to get these scripts filled.

We went to a Target pharmacy and they were minutes from closing.  The lady said, "Oh, you're gonna have a hard time finding all these drugs.  These aren't drugs most pharmacies keep in stock."

Great!

Another pharmacist apparently felt some pity for us so he started scrawling down names & numbers of other pharmacies that he thought might have these meds.  Between myself, my BFF, and my MOM, we called almost a dozen phamarcies before we found someone who could fill my heparin injections.

Thank god for cell phones, right?

My mom found a pharmacist at a CVS who said he could help us.  So we drive over there.  And did I mention yet that being in the car made me feel nauseated?

Anyhow.  We got there and it turns out they only had 15 vials of heparin---I needed 42.  (3 shots a day for 2 weeks).

By then, it was 9pm and I was just desperate to get back to the hotel.  I took the 15 vials knowing that I'd probably have to pay a second co-pay to fill the remaining 27 vials.  They also had the liquid Lortab.  No one seemed to have any Zegerid powder so the pharmacist recommended an OTC chewable.

We all collapsed in our beds as soon as we got back to our hotel.  It was probably 10pm by then and we'd all had a long day.

The next day, my BFF and I just lazed around the hotel until about 4pm.  We hit Panera and I sipped the broth ouf of the French Onion soup.  So yummy.  Then we walked around a strip mall and did some more clothes shopping for our kids.  We had planned on seeing a movie, and I was totally up for it, but by 7pm, my BFF was like, "Do we have to?  I'm tired."  Did I mention she is 6 or 7 months pregnant with her 3rd baby?  So, of course we didn't have to see a movie.  I had to wake up at the crack of dawn to catch my flight anyway.

So, at 4:15 the next morning (Thursday), my hotel shuttled me over to the airport and I flew out at 6:00.  All along, I had worried that wouldn't give me enough time, that I would feel too crappy, but it worked out perfect.

*********************************************

Today I'm exactly 10 days post-op and have lost 9 pounds.  (I was 171 this morning).

As of a few days ago, I was finally able to get in all of my protein (80g) and water (64oz).

My wedding ring fits.  Actually, it fit before surgery but it was tight and I was too scared it would get stuck on my finger in the heat.

Here's a picture of me about a month before surgery.  And don't forget, I already lost 35 pounds since last summer.  And now I'm at least 10 pounds lighter than when this pic was taken.  :)

Part 4: Food. Finally!

Ahhh food.  After passing the leak test, food & water were all I could think of.

I was so excited to finally get something in my mouth after going so long without water.

My nurse brought me a small cup of jello, a 20 oz bottle of water, and a Bluebell Popsicle.

After working hard ALL DAY LONG, I managed to eat about 1/4 of the popsicle and all of the water.  Never touched the green jello.

Drinking too fast caused waves of nausea to roll over me.  Several times I started salivating in my mouth and my stomach would churn.  I'd grab a bucket and spit in it.....and then it would pass.

But let me be clear---I was not drinking fast.  I was just barely sipping.  Like for instance, my nurse brought me a teaspoon of liquid pain medicine.  I sipped the the teaspoon amount very slowly and spent about FIVE MINUTES swallowing it.  And that was too fast.  I made myself sick.

My nurse told me I couldn't leave the hospital until I stopped getting nauseated.

Part 3: Leak Test

Around 8:30 or so on Tuesday morning, they came with a wheelchair and whisked me off to Radiology for my "leak test."  The Wheelchair Pusher Guy went really fast and it made me feel nauseous.

It was easy.  Just some semi-nasty fluid to swallow.  I got to see my new stomach!  It was a cute little baby stomach.  Immediately after swallowing it, I said, "I might throw up."  But the nausea passed and I was fine.

Actually, there were many moments after surgery that I thought I would puke.  My mouth would start salivating and I would get the "little pricklies" on my arms---AKA "the five second warning."  So I would grab something to vomit into but then the feeling would pass.  Every time.

The only memorable part of my leak test was the guy asking me, "Wait...Do you have breast implants?" as he looked at the x-ray thingy before I did the swallow part.

Me, "No."

Him, "Are you sure?"

Me, laughing, "I'm SURE.  Why?"

Pointing at the screen, he said "See all that white stuff?  And that shadow?  That's what breast implants look like."

Me, "I'm breastfeeding."

Him, "Oh, huh.  Hmm.  I've never seen anything like that."

Aaaaand let me just say this guy didn't look young.  So really?  You've never seen breastfeeding boobs on your screen?